Where I'm At

Wow. I havent' even glanced at this blog in months and i'm only taking the time to do so now because well I actually have a moment to breathe. Really I don't. I should be doing math homework that i'm a week behind on, but I just don' have any motivation. I'm exhausted and burnt out on school and chasing after my kid and trying to keep our photography biz going and also keeping the house clean, laundry done, dinner made and budget followed. Staying home....NO JOKE! My incentive at the end of the day is that everyone is alive and their bellies are full and they have something to wear tomorrow. Meanwhile....don't look at me cuz i'm looking crazy with my whispies all over the place, my once black now faded gray sweat pants now melting into my skin because i've had them on so long and the 12 lbs of luggage under my eyes. I'm looking somewhere between Nick Nolte's mugshot and just straight up homeless.

Anyhow,

The past few months my best friend has been living with us. She's known me as long as Mike and we all grew up together. She lived with me in Phoenix and when I moved back she moved to Texas with our other friend. She'd been seeing this guy on and off for years (that I introduced her to in like 2005) and she recently got pregnant and moved back to Utah to be closer to family and him. (He lives in Idaho) Well turns out she's preg with identical twin girls and she has this rare syndrome called Twin to twin transfusion syndrome where one twin is smaller and getting less bloodflow. The past 2 weeks she's been admitted to the hospital and may have to stay there until her babies are born. Could be a few weeks or could be another 15 weeks or so. She's not due until May and she's only 27 weeks now. Definitely been hard on her. She's like a sister to me, so it has not been easy to see her like this. It also turns out that her and her baby daddy don't like each other so much so she's virtually doing this all alone. I'm glad to have her back and I just pray that everything works out for her and her lil girls.

As for me

I have passed all of my classes so far (still not sure how) and i'm into my 4th semester of school now. It went by so fast. I'm starting my upper division courses this summer (except for math) and i'm not sure how we're going to do it. Mike started a new job at Wells Fargo Bank as a Personal Banker. I'm glad he's no longer on the roads and he's only about 15 mins away with an awesome schedule but I'm not sure how that is going to work with me having to be IN class soon. He really likes the job though and he seems happy to have made the change.

In December, we were all sick. Coen got the Noro Virus. Poop and Puke for 7 days. Definitely not my finest week and as you know, my husband does not do well with poop so for the most part I handled it. I don't do well with puke though, so he helped on that end.  A week after that he got a nasty cold. Utah and it's shitty air. SMH. It was not a fun month. On top of that, we found out were were pregnant, took a test 2 days later only to find it was negative. We had what is called a chemical pregnancy. It's a very very early miscarriage. The Dr said it was perfectly normal and a lot of women have them without even knowing.  It was a bit disappointing, but I didn't have any symptoms except a late period. I kind of had a feeling something was off.  Well it threw off my cycle and we weren't sure when we could try again but just a few days ago we took a test and it was positive and now 2 days later it's positive again. i'm not sure if this one is going to stick or not and i'm kind of scared but I definitely have symptoms this time. I'm only about 4 weeks. I'm gonna see the doctor at 9 weeks and hopefully everything is going smoothly. We're excited but trying not to get our hopes up. We're estimating another late October early November baby. What is it about October for us?

So...that's what's going on for us. Same ol' same ol' except possibly a lil sis or bro for Co Co Bean.  I will try to get back to keepin this up but I make no promises.  Especially since i'm going to have two kids running around soon. I'm also thinking I may have to take little break from school. I'm going to have my hands full! But we'll see. One day at a time.

Sometimes

Sometimes
I don't want
my feet
on the ground
 I want to dream.
keep my heart full
and my dreams big.
head in the clouds.

I want the world to stop
for just a moment.
to feel the heat
the shiver
the tingle.
To just breathe.

I want to spin
with my arms stretched out.
to dance til
I sweat
laugh til
there are tears

To smile
without force

to feel silly
and free

Sometimes...