Happy Christmas

Christmas is not one of my favorite holidays. We spend too much, People drink to much, families come together irritated and broke and try to get along...and then you throw snow into the equation. No bueno. I've always loved Thanksgiving. Come together eat, pass out...go home. I don't even have a tree. I decorate my fireplace. I may continue to do that as long as I have a fireplace. Why waste a perfectly good tree or take up space (that I don't have) with a fake one? I'm still debating on lying to my kids about a jolly fat guy coming down the chimney and leaving them presents. I was raised on Santa but my Daddy also told me "nothing in life is free." People aren't normally prone to just giving you stuff because you were "good" or "nice."  Dang! I'm evil huh? Like I said I haven't decided on that yet. I don't want to "lie" to my kids and then have their little fantasy ripped away when they find out the truth. There has got to be a creative way to have Christmas without Santa and without dashing my child's dreams. Eh...i'm working on it.

Well Merry Christmas to all you broke folk that spent to much on crap that you don't need and that are working overtime to pay their bills. :)

My lil bundle of rolls

My son is 2 months old today! Man...time flies when you're a mom. If I were just staying at home by myself i'm pretty sure i'd be bored out of my mind by now but, with a baby...it's work. I'm by no means Susie-homemaker. For some odd reason I thought I would be. I thought I will have the house clean everyday, dinner on the table and a sweet quiet baby that just smiles and coos all day.

Mmm, not so much.

Most of the time my son is crying because he wants to be held, there are dishes scattered everywhere throughout the house because i'm rushing a quick bite whenever I can and seeing as how my arms are full of baby I don't have time to put it in the sink.  Dinner doesn't get made or even thought about until my husband comes home and can hold the baby and half the day I'm i'm breastfeeding or trying to catch up on sleep. It's exhausting. Kudos to single moms! I'm so happy I have my hubby come home and give me a few minutes to myself.  I love being a mom, don't get me wrong. But everybody needs a few minutes a day for themselves.

Anyhoo

My son is starting to smile now. Man! What a beautiful thing! It lights up my entire day. He coos and kind of laughs and kicks his little feet out when he's happy. He was pretty scowly for the first little while so I wasn't sure he was a happy baby.  Even after he got his first shots he managed some smiles for me. (Probably so I wouldn't punch the nurse in the face!) He is on the shorter side but he's doubled his weight! All rolls! LOL. I love it.

Taken from Sweet Salty Blog (Kate Inglis)

To the guy with the wife with the baby She’s a natural, you know. She is competent to a fault, emitting a swift, cheery self-sufficiency that makes people think she’s not in need of anything. But there is something she does need, especially now: you. She needs you to come home asking for her, for the baby, dropping your stuff in a pile at the door and calling to her I’m just washing my hands! in that way that tells her without seeing your face that you're smiling, like you’ve spent the day at the office willing the time to pass so you can get back to your girls. She needs you to trust her, to follow her lead. By virtue of time logged this child is her domain. It won’t be like that forever but it is, now. Even if she’s at a loss, pretend she’s not — for however long it takes for her to find her feet. She needs you to know, beyond any doubt, that the isolation and responsibility of her days and nights is infinitely more draining — emotionally and physically — than how you spend Monday to Friday, 9 to 5. She needs you be at her side in this love affair, to see you as baby-drunk as she is. Because there’s almost nothing more appealing than to hear Come quick! Come see what he’s doing! and to witness the baby you made together in his daddy’s lap, and to see concentrated joy there. She needs you to get dirty. She does. She needs you to be patient. She is. She needs you to be proud of her. Most days, kneecapped by self-doubt, she’s not. She needs you to know these two things and send them back to her, received and absorbed and agreed as sure as a reflection: 1) It is not easy to be a baby — to have no understanding, no context and no control, physical or otherwise. To feel an almost constant sensation of vertigo, of falling and startling. To be hungry for milk and to not know for sure, regardless of past evidence, that someone will put something in your mouth. 2) It is not easy to be the mama of a new baby — to have no understanding, no context and no control, physical or otherwise. To feel an almost constant sensation of vertigo, of falling and startling. To be hungry for validation and to not know for sure, regardless of past evidence, that you are not alone. For all this: such is the mark and the duty of a good sort of man.

30 days

My son is a month old today. I'm exhausted, but loving it!

 Short post because this kid is going nuts!

Mean Muggin'

This is what I'm workin with! LOL

He definitely got Mama's attitude!

That's some grown up woman shit...

I've grown up a lot in just a few short years and I hope I continue to grow. Newsflash: If you're going to be a wife or a mother...you've got some growing up to do! You may think you're grown when you're single but you're not. In order to take care of another person (husband or child) and do it right, you've got to be on 'grown-ass-woman" status.  You've got to put another persons needs ahead of your own. You've got to make sacrifices. Change your priorities.

I've never been one to stand still for too long. Call it boredom or ADD but I think it's all about personal progress. Keep moving forward toward the things you want. Turns out the things I wanted most were love and a family of my own. But I wanted to do it the "right" way. Marriage first...baby second. My actions did not necessarily reflect that but deep down that's what I wanted. I've take a few steps backward in my journey but hey, that's life. All of my mistakes, trials and tribulations have made me who I am today.I am not just a baby mama. Which I thought for awhile, I would be.  At some point we have to grow up. The only way to do that is to step back and look at your life and see where it is really going.  Ask yourself, "Where am I going to be in 5 years?" Or even 1 year?" Are you going anywhere with your life? Or are you still shaking your ass at the club trying to be cute? 

 I am not a college graduate. I do not have a big house or a fancy car but these things could never make me happy the way my family does. My family is priceless. I'm at a point in my life where I am just satisfied. I appreciate the things that I already have. Whatever I'm striving for now is to better my family. It's not just selfishness. I am so happy with where I am today. I don't feel like that lost little girl anymore. I feel like a proud, strong, beautiful woman.

Warning: Adult content

You know you’re a new mom…

1. When all of your clothing has a puke spot on it - "baby badge"
2. When you rock in place regardless of whether you're holding your baby or not.
3. When a daily shower is an accomplishment :)
4. When you take 24hrs to write one email, 
5. When you brush your teeth at midnight for the first time
6. When you check on a sleeping baby 3 times while making a sandwich
7. When you feel like all u can eat buffet, because your baby wants to breastfeed every 40 min 
8. When u have to wipe off lanolin u just put on, because baby is hungry again!
9. When you realize how awful tv programming is at 2:45 am yet you're starting to know, word for word, the selling points of every infomercial out there...
10. When you realize that the facial feature you always hated on yourself is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen on your baby's face
11.  When you're late to everything because it takes three times as long to get ready. Once you're finally ready, baby needs fed, changed, or both all over again!
12.  When you want to strangle your husband for crunching too loudly on a potato chip after you just spent 45 minutes rocking your baby to sleep
13.  When you want to strangle your husband for turning on the light in the morning so he can get ready for work.
14.  When you have to choose: eat or sleep
15.  When you have absolutely NO sympathy for your significant others headache, backache, or so called "lack of sleep last night"
16.  When you spend most of the time with the telephone unplugged and your cell phone on vibrate and never return phone calls
17.  When you can't remember the last time you shaved your legs - but it wasn't recently!!!
18.  When you get all dressed up to go to the grocery store because getting out of the house is rare
19.  When you smell like spoiled milk most of the time
20.  When you make up songs in your head to go with the rhythm of your breast pump pumping
21.  When you fantasize more about uninterrupted sleep than being intimate with your significant other
22.  When you count a good day as when you actually dress in clothes that match and don't contain sleepwear or sweats
23.  When you can fall into a half-sleep, even start having a dream, but your arm keeps moving to burp the baby. 
24.  When your baby wakes you up and you think you've just slept for at least a couple of hours, and it's been.....7 minutes.
25.  When you find out you can do anything one handed
26.  When you sit there with your boob hanging all out because the baby nursed and settled and looked so peaceful you didn't want to wake her to move
27.  When you bathe another human being more frequently than you bathe yourself.
28.  When you are wide awake at 2 a.m. … and sleeping at 2 p.m.
29.  When you do at least one load of laundry every day—and none of the clothes are yours. 
30.  When you check to make sure your little one is breathing with neurotic consistency
31.  When you have supersonic hearing—what I like to call “bat ear”—that allows you to hear your baby’s softest whimper … even while standing under the shower.
32.  When You know the schedule of every television program by heart. And, you’re tired of them all.
33.  When you try on your old jeans to see if maybe, just maybe, they’d fit. They only get halfway up your thigh. You cry. Your baby joins you. 
34.  When Your definition of happiness is being able to put on deodorant and brush your teeth before lunch time.
35.  When you consider making it out the front door and into the “real world”—even if it’s just for a five-minute walk—a monumental achievement.
36.  When you drink enough water every day to make the Garden of Eden grow in the Sahara desert. 
37.  When you can leave home forgetting your earrings, makeup and wallet but never with less than three changes of clothes for your little one.
38.  When you take at least a dozen pictures of your baby every day in the same pose, with the same expression, but you can’t bear to delete any of them. 
39.  When Your Facebook updates are no longer about you
40.  When You no longer wear white
41.  When Most of your Facebook pictures are of your baby and not of you “modeling.”
42.  When you and your husband only make skin contact for 5 mins every few days. Sometimes just an arm or a leg...toe...
43.  When You realize there is something more important in this world than you.

Truths For Mature Humans

Someone posted this on Facebook and I thought it was hilariously true...


1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? **** it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my *** everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

Labor Day-The birth of my son

First of all, let me preface this by saying...In life...rarely do things go exactly as planned. My labor and delivery is definitely a shining example of this. I'm pretty sure I skipped every chapter on C-section because i thought to myself....That's not going to happen to me. How wrong I was.

My labor started early Tuesday morning around 4 am. My husband and I had stayed up late carving pumpkins and didn't go to sleep until about 2 am. I woke up feeling sharp pains "down below" but I wasn't sure if they were real contractions or braxton hicks. They came about every 10 minutes. I went to the living room to lay on the couch so I wouldn't wake my husband up...just in case it was a false alarm. I paced the living room a little bit to see if they would get closer together but...nada. After about 5 hours of contractions 10 minutes apart I started to think it was a false alarm. My husband woke up and found me on the couch. He was supposed to go to school and work but we decided to head to L&D just in case he went to work ( an hour away) and real labor started.

We got to labor and delivery around 1 pm and by this time my contractions were about 15-20 minutes apart. I was pretty sure they were going to send us home. The nurse checked me and said I was about a 3 but that she'd call my Dr and let her know. I had one contraction the entire checkup. My Dr showed up and decided to check me herself. I had another contraction (which i'm sure was due to her aggressive cervical check) I was now suddenly a 4 within the minute. I'm pretty sure we could've gone home and waited for stronger contractions but she admitted me and immediately informed me that I could get my epidural now. (which kind of annoyed me because we had been talking for months about my Natural Birth Plan) My contractions were still pretty far apart so I walked around for 30 minutes, was monitored for 30 minutes and then walked around again for 30 minutes.

They decided to break my water and then I walked around a little bit more. I started having stronger contractions and decided it was time to get in bed. We waited a few hours for stronger contractions but there was nothing steady. They decided to give me Pitocin. This was something I had been hoping to avoid because I had been planning on a Natural Unmedicated Birth. But they started me at a low dose. I started to feel the contractions then! And they were coming on strong. I was determined to still go natural so I fought through them. It was intense! My family and husband watched me suffer through the night with very slow progression. Around 8 pm the Dr came in and asked if I was ready for pain medication, but I still refused. By about 10 pm I was still at a 5 1/2 and they decided to up my Pitocin. At this point I could not take the pain any longer. I asked for the Epidural. I won't lie...I felt so much better after. I watched the monitor rollercoaster up and down and was relieved that I could feel none of it. I started to prepare myself for what pushing would be like. About 2 hours later I started to feel my contractions again. I pushed the button frantically but could still feel it on my right side. I told the nurse but she said "just push the button." I waited for the pain to go away but I definitely could feel it. The called in the anesthesiologist and turns out my catheter had moved in my back and it was only medicating one side of my body.

By around 4 am, I made it to a 9. I was getting excited. Only problem was I was still not completely effaced. So we waited. I had loved all of my nurses up to this point by the last shift change, I had some very weird nurse that hardly left the room and was over explanatory and wouldn't let me rest. She said things like "I'll call the dr and tell her where you are and then she'll call me back and then I'll tell you what she said because that's why i'm calling her because she will know what's best, so I'll just go call her. " Ummm...ok. Go call her then and leave me alone. I'm pretty sure she was bored. Anyway, The pitocin was really taking a toll on my lil guy. His heart rate had been dropping with every pitocin induced contraction and it was getting to be too much for him. By 7 am, the Dr came to check me again and I had made no progress. By now she thought the best thing for baby would be emergency c-section. I pretty much broke down at this point. This is not what I wanted but he needed to come out.

They quickly prepped us for surgery and rushed us down the
hall. The Dr asked what kind of music I wanted to listen to during surgery. I said something like jazz. When we got in there, they were playing some kind of scary Italian Opera music and strapping my arms to these boards. I felt like I was in BraveHeart. It was terrifying. The nurse was so excited to be a part of surgery she nearly ripped my catheter out of me while transferring me to the surgery table. The put up the blue "shield" and immediately started to cut me open. I felt her put the scalpel in and said to my husband "Am I supposed to feel that?" and then I felt her pull the blade across my abdomen and pull it open. At this point i'm crying and saying " I can feel it! I can feel it!" The anesthesiologist said "It's normal to feel some pressure." This was not pressure! Finally he walked his slow ass over and upped my dosage. A few moments later I felt my lil guy being pulled out but did not hear him crying. My husband brought him over so I could look at him and then went with them to the nursery to make sure he was ok. They then began to put everything back in and once again I could feel it. The dr said my knees kept coming up. I was bawling at this point as I waited for the pain to be over. They are not gently tugging and putting things back. anesthesiologist said again "pressure is normal ok" as I laid there crying. Finally when I didn't stop crying the put me completely out. I woke up in recovery with very faint memory of getting there and holding my baby in there. They said his head was stuck on my pelvis and that prevented his head from putting pressure on the cervix which in turn stopped dialation. What an awful experience! I was so elated to finally have my baby boy in my arms that it all just seems like some kind of nightmare. First few days getting up and walking around was hard. It hurt to sit up, sit down, cough, laugh, blow my nose, even hold my son but I was determined to get out of that hospital. They let us leave 3 days later. On the last day my dr came in and checked on us. She said "Remember that soccer injury you told me about when you first came in?" ( I had broken my pelvis 12 years prior and was concerned with how it would affect a vaginal birth but she was "not concerned with it" ) "well maybe that's why he got stuck." If I could've jumped out of that bed and socked her, I would've!






In the end...I have my son and that's all that really matters. He is beautiful and healthy and we are all home and enjoying our new lil family. 28 hour birth but he was born October 18, 2011 at 8:08 am via emergency c-section 6 lbs 1 oz 18 1/2 inches. I love him so much and I'd do it all over.

1 year

I've officially been married a year! I've spent most of it being swollen and cranky and nauseous but....it has been a wonderful year nonetheless. Man, time flew by! Now that we've reached our 1 yr mark that means....baby is close! I'm officially crapping my pants. Just when I thought I'd be pregnant forever...bam! It's October!

Here's what's been happening this past year...in video form:

and here's us...on our anniversary. We had a picnic where we got married...

Belly-Go-Round

Barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen! SMH

9 months and ready for launch!
Don't I look so happy?

BabyShower

Just a picture overload cuz i'm lazy!

Me standing by the cake my bestie made for the Shower.

Isn't it so cute?

Advice Box

CandyBar Game (Big Hit!)

Onesie Decorating.

My Dad Decorating his onesie for his Grandson

Lots of awesome gifts!

Fairytales do come true...they can happen to you....

So...I'm a newlywed...kinda. I've been married almost a year so I guess that qualifies me as a newlywed. I've known my husband since I was 13 years old. I am now 26. God Bless him for falling in love with me after seeing me at 13! LOL. That's probably the best thing about our relationship. We've known each other through the awkward, don't know how to dress, zit face, disproportional head, squeaky voice, crazy hair stages. Seeing me as an adult must have really blown his mind. I comb my hair now and I don't wear overall's everyday! Yay!

He was always the "cute" guy. All the girls loved him. Including me. But he is a very handsome man now. I don't feel worthy of such a catch. Not only is he handsome but he makes me laugh, he's brings me flowers for no reason, and he helps me paint my toenails. (No I'm not being sarcastic...and no I'm not making this up) He is my best friend and will soon be the father our little boy. He is a wonderful husband. He truly knows how to take care of me. He is so loving and considerate and romantic. I didn't know men like him still existed in this world. That is why I packed up and moved back for him. There was no way I was going to let someone else swoop him up. I don't know if you'd call it fate or 2nd chances or just sheer luck but something brought us together and whatever that is...I'm thankful for it. We are perfect for each other. Might sound cheesy but it's true. I've never had another person understand me the way that he does. I feel like I can just be myself.  Although it has taken me awhile to embrace who "myself" truly was.

People that knew me before may think that i'm different now that I'm married and have a family or just different from before I (re) met my husband but that person was never me. I was trying to figure myself out and I guess there have been a few different versions of myself. But the person I am today; That's really me. No fronts. My husband knew me when I was weird and awkward. When I wasn't afraid to be silly. When I wasn't too cool. When I was free. He knew the real me. That's why it made it so easy for us to fall in love with each other. We didn't need to impress each other. We already loved each other for who we were/are. He helped me get back to that girl...just in woman form, Who knew Mr. Right was standing in front of me all those years ago! I'm glad we got together when we did though. I wasn't ready for him at 13. Hell, I wasn't ready for him at 21. Things all fell into place when they were supposed to. I can't believe how lucky I am. I'm so glad that I didn't settle for less. Everything I hoped for is actually coming true. My own real life fairy-tale. Somebody pinch me!


"Why is it that you think people get married?

Because we need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet, I mean what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything...the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things...all of it, all the time, every day. You're saying... your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. your life will not go unwitnessed, because I will be your witness." -Susan Sarandon -Shall We Dance

The whole spiel

Who Am I?

Stina! (not Tina bcuz that is too common and not Christina because that is too formal.!) I'm just a simple girl woman lookin for some passion n some piece of mind. U can always catch me singin or dancin n not takin my life too seriously. If I've learned NEthing it's that life is short and u gotta dance in the the rain and laugh thru the pain. I'm consistently indecisive. I have no idea where I'm going and exactly how i'm gonna get there. I wish I did. I pretend I do. I kind of want to do everything at once and do nothing at all. I believe in working hard, but sometimes lack the drive to do so because i get bored. I put up a good front of confidence but am really insecure just like everybody else. I'm better with words on paper. I constantly fumble over my words because I overthink everything... but not long enough. There is a constant dichotomy of what I think I want. I don't think i'll ever really know. I escaped from Utah and fled to Arizona about 3 yrs ago and came back in 2009. . Don't know how long I'll stay in Utah...but I'm here because I fell in love with the the most amazing man...So it's been worth it! I don’t t fear change. I embrace it. I wish I were more spontaneous. I would love to just pack up and leave my life behind. Start over every few years. But I got Bills! I will go back to school. Emphasis on WILL. I just dunno when. I really just wanna live and have fun while I still can. I wanna have my fingers in as many cookie jars as I can. It’s taken me a long time to grow and be comfortable in my own skin. I am not afraid to be myself. As dorky or goofy as that may be. Don't categorize me into any cultural cliche's. I am who I am, and I don't apologize for it.. I'm a lil weird I guess. But I can live with that. I'm a realist to an extent. I'm not shy, but like a good potato, it takes me a lil while to warm up.(Damn I love potatoes!) I'm a bit unorganized but there is a method to my madness. I'd say my two biggest flaws (aside from anything physical) are that I'm too trusting and I take my sweet ass time. I have a freakishly good memory and can hang onto a moment forever. Simple things resonate with me. Laughter is my only prescription. I think everyone should laugh loud and laugh hard. Especially at themselves. I can be somewhat sarcastic, neurotic and overzealous. Don't think for a minute that u've got me figured out, becuz u will be delightfully surprised to find that u don't. My interests are vast and I find happiness in the smallest and simplest of things.