Good Morning

Everyday I wake to the grunts of a hungry baby for a 7:30 feeding. I know 3 hours have passed since I laid down to sleep. I recognize the blue light that creeps into the house at this hour. I change Jonah's diaper and watch him giggle and squirm in his crib. I lie down to feed him and watch him drink himself to sleep in the comfort of my arms and warmth of my skin. I pull him close to me and touch my toddlers back to check for breathing; an impulse since his birth. I am comforted as I feel him start at my touch, nuzzle into my back and let out a long, peaceful sigh. I begin to slip into sleep again when I hear the tune of Mike's alarm clock and watch as he fumbles for the snooze button. I am in between awake and asleep as I feel my husband reluctantly rise from the bed and slink into the bathroom. I hear the whir of water and clink of his toothbrush. The bathroom door croaks open and the closet hangers clink as he shuffles through his work clothes. I am lulled to sleep by deep breaths of my sons next to me as I hear the distant jingle of car keys and I wake myself for a moment to turn and see Mike as he shimmies past the bassinet to kiss me goodbye. He whispers a quiet, " I love you," and I hoarsely reply "I love you too." Our fingers linger together for a moment and then I feel him slip away into his day. The clunk of the door sends me back to sleep.

Good Morning.

Repost: Let your Husband Love You

So I stumbled across this awesome blog entry from the When at Home Blog. Sometimes I find these little gems that other people have shared and I find new blogs to follow.

I really like this post because sometimes I get so caught up in the kids, and the house and school that sometimes I feel like I neglect my #1. My husband. In the beginning it was just me and him and now we have 2 little boys squished in between us.  This is a nice little reminder to stop juggling everything for just a second and love up on my hubby...

I’m writing this post to myself. You can read it if you like, but just know that I’m 100% preaching to myself.

I get it. The kids have been climbing on you all day. One or both of your boobs have been exposed 87% of the day and you’re sick of being clawed at, sucked on, licked, punched, kicked, pulled, snotted on, cried on, spit up on, pooped on, and peed on. You’ve wiped butts and noses and counters and walls all day. You’ve battled attitudes and arched backs and Dora the Explorer since dawn and you’re tired. So. So. Tired. I know. I really really do.

I know you don’t want to be touched and for some reason, an innocent compliment can offend you. When he says, “You’re so pretty”, you think he’s mocking you because you’re in the yoga pants you’ve been wearing 4 days in a row and your hair is either falling out of your scalp or tied so tightly on top of your head that your eyebrows are permanently surprised. You think when he hugs you he’s just trying to do the thing that made all this chaos start in the first place and that ticks you off. Please. PLEASE. Listen when I say these things.

Stop. Take a breath. Recharge. Try again.

He’s been away at work all day. He’d much rather be with you. All of you. He’s missed your face, your voice, your smell, and your touch. He’s had to deal with whatever crap he has to deal with in order to provide for the family that he loves. He doesn’t enjoy walking out the door every morning, but he does. Every day. For you. For them.

He does think you’re pretty. He wouldn’t lie to you. He doesn’t need to say those things. But when he walks in the door and the first thing he sees is the love of his life, don’t convince yourself that he’s thinking about anything other than how absolutely beautiful you are. Cause guys are weird. Once they fall in love with you, there’s nothing you can wear, no amount of weight you can gain, and no lack of make up that will make them see you any differently. You are their love, their bride, and after he’s been at work all day, you are a sight for sore eyes.

So instead of rolling your eyes, huffing and puffing, throwing out gut kicking comments about how he has it easy, doesn’t understand, is lazy, a jerk, whatever comes to your beautiful stressed out brain… BREATHE. Look away from your day and see the man that won your heart.

Let your husband love you.

Because he needs to love you. As much as you need to receive the love he has for you, he needs to be received. He needs to be welcomed, embraced, and loved. Even if the last thing you want is to be touched or to hear how amazing you look when you feel insecure and disgusting. Let him love you. Don’t push him away. If you do, I can guarantee there will come a day when your cold shoulders and eye rolling will have trained him to stay away. There will be a day when you will need to be hugged and need to be reminded of how amazing you are and he won’t know how to tell you.

So suck up your pride, your anger, your frustration, and your crazy and just…be loved.

Jonah-2 months

Well,  another month has gone by and what a difference it has made in this little guy. He's just a cooing away and smiling like he's the happiest person in the world. I love it. His little smile just brightens me right up...even at 4 am when he is wide awake with no hope of sleep in sight. He absolutely hates tummy time, but his neck is getting a lot stronger and he's holding his head up longer and longer. He still likes to throw himself backward when we hold him, but luckily he hasn't completely fallen out of our arms (yet!)  He loves to be held and I love to hold him, but if I learned anything with Coen it's that you've gotta put them down so they learn to hang out alone once in awhile. The swing has been my saving grace lately so that I can get a few things done.  He still ends up in the bed next to me sometimes when he's half asleep and hungry and when i'm half awake and too lazy to put him back in the bassinet. He sleeps for about 4 good hours next to me and I don't mind the snuggles. I usually end up a mom sandwich between Coen and Jonah and poor Mike hangs off the other side LOL.  He is starting to figure out his hands and grasping with intent now. When I hold him he'll open his little hand and hold onto my arm.  With me being back in school I've had to start enforcing the bottle, which so far has been no bueno. He seriously just get pissed. Same with pacifiers. Not having it.  Poor Mike seems so helpless when I go to school (3 hrs on Tues, 5 hours on Sat) because he can't get him to eat. Usually he just cries until he falls asleep and I bring my engorged self home.  I try to feed him right before I leave, but Saturdays are just a little too long.  On the 25th  i'm going to school and then around 7 i'm going to dinner in Salt Lake with my best friend for her birthday. That means Mike, alone with the kids for probably 8 or 9 hours. So we've really gotta get this bottle thing figured out. 

I can honestly say something about his second baby has changed me. My patience and my tolerance (now that my hormones are semi-normal again) have increased. I just realized that some things you've got to accept. Like no sleep and constant messes. I used to get so flustered and now i'm like...whatev...I know i'm not getting any sleep or  let him make a mess...he's a kid. No use sweeping 900 times a day or putting the toys away 10 dozen times.  I feel more at peace with myself when I don't get so worked up about these little things. Yes i'm a housewife and sometimes the house is a mess...but we have children now...and that's what they do.  My husband is fed and his clothes are ironed so...he doesn't make a fuss about it either.  Everybody's happy! :)